The Ghost in My Shell

I am starting to get worried…

The surreal reality in my head gets the upper hand over the real reality that my body sensors taste since I've cried for first time on earth.

The other reality is made out of both: hope and fear... I connect to it trough my brain in my shell.

Hope for the things I want to see in the real life, but agonizingly fail to happen.

And fear of the bad things that might happen, which I desperately try to prevent.

I was a small kid when I first realized that I can block evil by just thinking of it. It worked for so many years. But to picture all possible bad, evil and ugly situations that could eventually happen around me and the people I love, I had to let the fear rule my mind. It opened the ugly side of life, so I received hints of all possible pain that may arise. I thought of it, and the moment it was gone. That’s the simple technology behind the trick. I was so happy as it worked 110% for me and for those close to me. Also, in the very few times when I was distracted (I was happy or in love) and failed to block it, it happened. This inexorably confirmed it.

This is how my mother died…

I'm kiddin. You cannot stop people from dying. I will not be seduced to the dark side by trying to prevent the life to go its divine way. But it worked pretty much for everything else in between birth and death.

Ok, I know. As "those arguable bad things" never happened, many skeptics among you would argue, that they wouldn’t have happened anyway J. But this is a lost dispute, as neither side can be rational. But what I know quite well, are the dreams that flashed through my mind in the hundreds of nights of my life.

But this, kinda gift, took its tall.

The fear slightly took over my mind and started to rule myself. Pretty much everything that’s inside my shell obeyed this demonic power. I could prevent bad things to happen by blocking them with a single thought in one another metaphysic reality, where they are projected first before they materialize in this dimension.

But I drowned in a toxic fear more and more in this very reality.

I had to do something…

It was clear that I couldn’t abandon my duty to care for the ones around me. Understand, to fear for them.

After years of seeking, trials and errors, hard and long adaptation, I embraced hope as a weapon that was supposed to change things for good. It was hard. It turned out that to fear is far easier then to hope. By that I mean, to be able to hope, despite the mountains of despair surrounding us. And not losing hope even when you think its dangerous for you and for those you love.

As you know, everything that we do, think and feel is changing us genetically. In my shell the old fear fashion still exists, contained by the new hope trend.

And it feels like a war. A war between angels (hope) and demons (fear).

As in the Night and Day Guard, there cannot be a winner. It’s a never-ending struggle between two powers that build our metaphysic reality.



But it's so surreal for my senses…

I really cannot draw a line between that and this reality anymore…

Is insensitivity, passivity and impartiality the way out for me?